On True Love

true-loveDo you know what is true love?

Do you think you have ever truly loved someone?

Have you ever felt that you want your beloved to do the things only what you ask him or her?

Have you ever expected that there should not be any secret that your beloved should be keeping from you?

You constantly feel the need to know anything and everything that he or she is going through?

You often feel that your beloved is doing wrong things if your beloved is doing something that you don’t think he or she should be doing?

Then let me tell you what you are practicing – maybe unknowingly – is imitated love, not true love.

The reason is simple – True love gives freedom. Love becomes true only when it does not hinder the privacy of the other person and set him or her free.

“If there is attachment in love, then love will be a prison. If love is without attachment then love itself is the divine.” ~ Osho

True love respects its independence and its privacy.

However, it is not seen common in the society, isn’t it?

The whole efforts lovers put are that everything should be shared, known and there should be no such thing as privacy. They are afraid of other person’s individuality.

They treat their love as an avenue to extinguish the other person’s independence.

They expect that other person shares his or her bank account details, mobile address book, email passwords, participant content of three days resident training program that he or she attended or price of the wrist watch they gifted to their childhood friend…everything.

They are scared of other person’s individuality.

And still they hope that by extinguishing each other their life will become serene and worth living like .

It simply becomes more and more woeful.

I would encourage you to get clear on this – Real love is not a permanent thing…similar to a real life. You have been given wrong concepts that true love is eternal and will stay forever.

True love is like a garden. It does not remain forever. It has to die one day. Anything true is a constant change, so is true love.

Love happens to you. It is not because of any efforts on your part but it comes as a gift. You cannot request, persuade or compel someone to love you…it is very similar to the fact that you cannot request, persuade or compel the Sun to rise. Same is the case with gardens.

It is also certain that anything that is born will die. Sun will set. Gardens will be whitened. Love will be gone. It’s how nature works.

One garden whitens; another garden comes your way.

Different gardens will come to you forever but if you stick to one garden, soon you will find yourself with a dead garden.

And, that’s what is the reality; people stick on a dead garden that once was alive, now it is only a history.

So, if you want to love truly then detach from it. Give freedom. Respect other person’s privacy. Remember, every living being has their own life which may be outside of you. That’s how it is. Other person is not your slave. The other person is independent…a living being.

This will not overrule the possibility that love might fade one day…if it is real then it will be…one day…but certainly when you choose to give freedom in your love, it will make your and other person – both’s life worth living like.

Photo Credit: photostock/Freedigitalphotos.net

About Utpal Vaishnav

Avid reader. Amateur Photographer. Lifelong Learner. Blogger. Author and Entrepreneur. Writes on Project Management and Scrum. Shares life lessons on SelfHelpZen. Know more about Utpal.

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    • Maulesh Mankad

      Dear Only the form / shape changes…..not the essential elements. …..a sound never dies….it remains in the universe….i have heard……science has proved…..Everything is made of vibrations…. so “Love” is a “Bhaav” originating from within, which in turn can only multiply according to the law of universe. That Love vibration can’t die. It only expands to the infinite. — If u confuse various.perceptions of “Liking” with Love — If you like Shapes, it will definitely die.(change form) Amitabh se Shahrukh….. and so on…………With LOVE….as its definitely ETERNAL…..PURE…..UN-CONDITIONAL…..EQUAL TO EVERY EXISTENCE ……..in its TRUTH.

    • Maulesh Mankad

      Dear your narration is RIGHT so far as it redresses what is widely prevailing. Prevalent Social arrangements are confused with “Real Love” here-in-above. I am not comfortable with the use of word “Real Love” and that it dies. Ever changing, I fully agree – Only one way…Expanding..Widening. You are referring to Love in relation to social “attachments” only while you are centering OSHO’s Quote. Your partial reference to UNCONDITIONAL is appreciated. In our society, if one comes to know that spouse loves some other guy, feelings towards that spouse evaporates from that vary moment. That’s ridiculous. Not a single degree should drop down, if love is Real. To me, Quality of Medium through whom one expresses Love is quite irrelevant. If quality of opponent is relevant, then it becomes give and take – expectations and reciprocation. I believe, Love originates in Self-conscious………..expressed through the medium of MOTHER in childhood, then members of the family, friends, then so called Lovers, then spouse and children……….and then comes members of the Society, if proper care is taken of the “Love Seed”…. … … and then come Universal Oneness. Dear, I fully agree….. all seeds are not lucky enough to grow to Big Trees……….But dear, its very wrong to state that Real Love has only one destiny….. “Death”. NO… LOVE is eternal. — Examples : (1) Jalaram Bapa….His love feeling of sharing Food still continues…… (2) Sadguru Ranchhoddas bapu…… … … … (3) Bagdana wale Bajrangdas Bapu ……….. (4) Satya-Sai Baba……His Love feelings of curing and educating people…..Hospitals and Educational Institutions…… (5) Shirdi Wale Sai Baba … … … Years have passed since passing away of physical body…… still his kingdom shines… and expanding………….and so many unknown……to whom I pay my tribute……Dear….Shape dies…form dies…..LOVE never dies. It Only Expands……… I need your frank perusal and comment.

      • http://www.utpalvaishnav.com Utpal Vaishnav

        There are many perspectives from which people look at things and Love is not an exception.

        From the perspective you are looking at Love – a “Bhaav” – that originates from within and remains in the universe for sure. But since that very “Bhaav” is felt by a mortal form of universe (human beings) – people tend to think it as shape or form.

        If we discuss about if real love dies or not then there are several ways to look at. As the definition of love (or anything for that matter) is relative to people defining it. This essentially does not change the fact, though.

        One way as you mentioned is to believe that real love never dies. That’s correct from the lens you see it.

        The other way, the way I see it and most people might resonate with it, is that to believe that every living being is in the constant process of change. Every moment we’re dying and the next very moment we are taking rebirth. Our mind, body and soul are in continuous process of change. I have given this example many times and I’d give it again – imagine 10 year old me or 21 year old you… for whom maybe playing cricket was the most important thing…Cricket and Kapil Dev were love for them…where are they now? They are dead. Does this mean that our that love was unreal? It was real for sure. Now, we, the living beings are 35 and 46 years of age respectively and what we love today is different. Sure, 10 years of me and 21 years of you are included in who we are today but our that very part is not alive.

        The point is, every living being is in continuous process of change. And death and birth are important instruments in the whole process.

        Now, let me ask you this – What is death? Death is the end of life, isn’t it? At the same time, death is a possibility of a new life as well. I believe, anything that expands has to pass through death and birth continuously – death of previous collection of energy and birth of new collection of energy.

        The problem is, the love that we see in our society or people mislead that feeling as “love” is based on fear. This is how it is…from spiritual lens, it is called “maya” or illusion. People love to live in illusions. People would believe what they want to. That’s how the design is created.

        The dimension that you’re referring to is eternal – the state of changelessnes…the state which is referred as heaven…the state of utmost balance. This state is very difficult for most people to even accept at a mental level. The reason is simple – they have never experienced it. Something that has never been experienced before becomes difficult to accept.

        When I write post like this, I have several objectives – I have to ensure that common people can “get” it. It has to be somehow logical and still attack prevailing logical thinking and provoke thought and it has to inspire people to take actions that somehow affect their lives positively.

        If I think from the eternal dimension, then good is not good and bad is not bad; love is not love and hate is not hate – hate is the intense form of negative love and love is the intense form of negative hate…these are the nouns given by mortal people to various situations and acts that are essentially ONE.

        For most people, that is extremely difficult to even listen to this.

        So, when I mention that “possibility of that love might fade away” – it is essentially to manage the expectations. Some people would like to believe that when they give freedom, they will have surety of love. That’s not the case. In the continuous process of change, it might fade away in his or her own world and go with some other energy… and that’s part of the game.